Walking the Talk

Have you ever had the feeling you were being tested by… I don't know—the Universe—you can use whatever word you relate to there. For me, Universe works. God might work for you.

Life, for me, has always seemed to be a series of tests. I formulate a belief system and then things happen to test my belief system. In other words, it is like Universe asks me to walk my talk.

You know, it is relatively easy to give "advice" to other people. I dislike the word advice, which is why I put it into quotes. I don't really give advice because whatever I write or say, I have no investment attached to it. I've found through the years that people who give "advice" are invested in you talking their advice, and if you don't take it, then they get all upset. That isn't where I am at with what I write. I just observe what happens in my life and share my experience with you. Perhaps in the sharing, you will make your own observations and come to your own conclusions and find a way that works in your life for you.

Walking the talk. It is easy to talk about the way one "should" go about doing something. It isn't always so easy to do what you have said, though. I'm sure we all can relate to that! Just look at how many parents, in frustration, start telling their kids—just do as I tell you. Mostly, I find this is because the parent is not doing what they are telling the child to do, and in the wisdom all children seem to bear, the child points it out and the parent cannot justify to their own selves why there are two standards.

Thursday I found myself in a situation that totally threw me into emotional turmoil. I had an interviewing skills workshop with the Employment Development Department (EDD). I thought I'd go to this workshop and maybe they could help me translate my skills and experiences into words that the employer understands. Sounded like a great plan to me.

They started out their workshop with a quote from Steve Martin—"Be so good they can't ignore you."

I read that and thought, strike one. I am good at what I do, and there are some people in this world who simply shine in certain places. For instance, Steve Martin, is considered to be excellent at what he does. He has been so good, in fact, that no one ignored him. I guess he's just that kind of person with that kind of drive and confidence. He is doing what he loves and it shines through. Good for him!

On the whole, however, I feel a quote like that is meaningless drivel to most of us who find ourselves attending an interviewing skills workshop. It could just be me, and somehow it sets most of us up for failure. We cannot all be Steve Martin. Or, perhaps we could if we were pursuing what we truly wanted in life. That's a thought….

Strike two came at telling us employers were looking to "rule you out" not "rule you in". I totally believe that. When you are faced with hundreds of applicants, ruling out would be the way to proceed because there aren't enough known factors to start "ruling in" until you have leveled the playing field. My feeling at that point was—I don't know if I'm up to that. I don't know if I have that much enthusiasm for whatever I'm interviewing for to shine brighter than anyone else.

Let me say that while all these thoughts are flitting through my head, I am asking questions. As an example, I asked them, "Am I hearing you correctly when you say the interviewers are there to rule you out? That in essence, they are not there to give you the opportunity, they just want to get you in and out and get on to the next person?" They stuttered and stammered (both of them being from long time positions of interviewing people for jobs) and finally admitted this was pretty much the case.

I am nothing if I am not direct. I don't remember when I got to be so disruptive during these things. When I was a child I was very shy and didn't say much. Then I grew up and got pissed off, I guess. <LMAO> after an hour had gone by I could tell they'd just as soon not see me raise my hand…

Strike three was about letters of recommendation. There were many things they said we needed to do or not do and each thing was like a weight on my heart. There was this voice inside me that kept saying—I can't be that. I am not that. I don't WANT to be that! The letters of recommendation broke my camel's back, though.

We are to setup this portfolio with all sorts of things in it so we have them when we need them. You know, resume, references both professional and personal, master job application, our gold stars, halos and angel wings, along with our letters of recommendation. Letters of recommendation are defined as originals on company letterhead that you have received within the last year or maybe two, but that seems to be stretching it.

Hand goes up, "what if you don't have letters of recommendation on company letterhead from the last year or two?"

Answer—Well, you can hopefully go back and get letters from your employers.

"What if you haven't worked in the last year or two?" (I have but I'm curious as to what they recommend)

Answer—Use volunteer jobs. Contact them and get letters. Volunteer jobs are really wonderful.

"What if you haven't had any volunteer job?"

Answer after a pause—Go out and get one now! Two or three ladies in the workshop nod—oh yes! You should go right out and get a volunteer job today. They are wonderful for references and you never can tell ….

"All good and I agree and … how will that get me a letter of recommendation for tomorrow?"

The upshot was Teri finally saying, holding back tears because when I get angry I cry, "I do not feel that I am being heard or understood here. I need help getting a job and telling me to go out and get a volunteer job today so I can have a letter of recommendation is not going to put food on the table tomorrow."

To say the least, at the break I picked up my stuff and went home. EDD had nothing for me. And yet, they gave me a lot to contemplate.

I cannot be what "they" want me to be. If I do not believe what I am telling you, then you—the employer—are not going to believe what I'm telling you either. And yes, during the 2 hours I was at that workshop I pointed that very fact out to the workshop teachers.

The truth is—I don't even want to be what "they" want me to be. I only want to be who I am.

And who I am has value.

Who I am and what I am capable of—where I shine so brightly "they" cannot ignore me—may not put food on the table or pay the bills, and yet this is who I am and I find nothing to be ashamed of.

So how will I be walking my talk? The next interview I get I will be who I am. If they don't find who I am to be valuable to their organization that is their loss, and truthfully, I wouldn't want to work for them anyway. I don't work well with people who value resumes, three piece suits and letters of recommendations over the person sitting in front of them.

Don't let "them" brainwash you. Be who you are and take pride in who you are. You are the only you there is, and while it is very scary to contemplate not being able to eat or pay bills or file bankruptcy or….any of the multitude of things we get ourselves all worked up about and scared of—to live always feeling like you don't make the muster is not living.