Inspiration

What inspires a person to keep on keeping on when there seems to be no reason to keep going?

Good question. One I don't have answer for.

For myself, I've always used my relationship to nature. Nature seems to bring me back to what is real in my life--what honestly matters in my life. Nature lifts my heart, opens my heart, fills my heart with love and joy and all sorts of things. Nature makes me smile involuntarily. In other words, it makes me smile whether I feel like smiling or not.

There was many times in Alaska when I didn't know if I could go on or even why I should go on. I don’t know about other people, and this person can only use live for other people for so long—only live for responsibility or because people love and depend on me for so long. In the end, when it comes down to reality, this person can only live for herself.

First for myself, and then for others.

I lived away from Fairbanks in a small place named Salcha. It was about 35 miles or so south of the city. And on that road, once you get past the air force base, there is a curve. You come around the curve and the whole mountain range opens up in front of you. And it doesn’t matter if it is summer, break up, winter or fall, if the sky is clear there is an enormous white mountain that dominates the skies. It is a breathtaking scene and one that will live on inside me forever...and if I forget, I have a picture.

There was a time when I would come around that curve and not see that mountain because I was so immersed in myself and my sorrows. I was blind to everything except for what was going on in my head. I was going through the motions of living. I'm sure everyone has had these times in their lives to one degree or another.

When I became aware of not seeing that beautiful mountain I realized I needed to do something and do something quick. I needed to find my inspiration. Find my soul, my heart, my love, my strength. I needed to do that for me, so I could also do it for my daughter and for the other people I love.

Most of all, I needed to do that for me. Because if I don't have it for myself, I cannot give it to anyone else.

So after that, each time I came around that curve, I made myself look—really look. I made myself get out of my head and pay attention to this incredible wonder that stood like an enormous guardian looking down over the world. At first, my response was--yeah, there it is and it is beautiful. Okay, Rome wasn't built in a day, eh?

As the days went on, I became more and more in touch with the beauty of the scene and the beauty of the world, and eventually the beauty within myself.

I’ve been able to translate that insight into other places I have lived. Granted, some places are easier than others. Living in the city can make it more difficult and yet, I always find something. In this new place there is a tree right outside my patio that is glorious. When I'm feeling out of sorts I stop and make myself really look at my tree until I can find that place inside that is truly thankful for that tree. And that thankfulness works its way out into my heart and into my mind and into my emotions, and suddenly I find myself smiling. Sometimes through tears, sometimes not. It truly doesn't matter.

So, where do you find your inspiration? What moves you forward when you want to lay down and quit? What do you use for a ladder to climb up out of the hole you might find yourself in so you can see the light?