Don't get me wrong here. It isn't that I don't have strengths. I do and I'm aware of them. Nevertheless, bringing home the bacon, or as I tease John now bringing home the chocolate, is not among my strengths.
Eventually, I became disenchanted with being a housewife. I figured this was because
I just wasn't cut out to be a housewife either. Ah, those tricky little voices in my head. I call them the demon voices.
Now, in the present, I find myself at least temporarily taking care of the house and I once again have this feeling that I'm good at it and I'm getting a sense of accomplishment from doing it.
Then the demon voice cuts into my head and reminds me I thought that once before and ended up hating it because ... because why? It’s a good question to ask when the demon voices are chanting, so I do it. Is what I’m thinking reality or not? What is the truth factor in my thoughts? I mean, somehow one must determine the difference between the devils and the angels.
My middle sister's voice provides one answer: Because it is boring.
Well yeah, I guess. It is rather boring when you are limited to washing dishes, cooking dinners, doing laundry, cleaning bathrooms, etc. Especially when those tasks take place in a one-bedroom apartment and for only two people, and one of those people tends to help out a whole lot even though he works fulltime. It means there isn’t a whole lot to do!
On the other hand, going to work every day and inputting data for people who absolutely do not appreciate what you do for them and how it enhances their lives is not only boring, it is frustrating and causes bitterness to arise.
My own voice comes back in and I remember before we moved to the LA area, being so afraid—Afraid of a new area, afraid of all the traffic, afraid of not knowing where I would be, afraid of not being able to find a job ...simply afraid. Humph. My own voice is the demon voice, yes?
I knew this was a good move and I knew I needed to trust myself to work it all out. So I asked myself how I'd coped with moves before and came up with--by making a home. Ah, the angel voice!
I've lived in a several different places since 1991. I spent a great deal of that time in Alaska; however, I relocated to Rhode Island and then to Northern California and now finally back to Southern California. Not exactly where I grew up, but a whole lot closer than Rhode Island and Alaska!
And all this thinking comes down to this--semantically, at least for me (and semantics is all about my interpretation) there is a great deal of difference in being a housewife and a homemaker. A housewife is married to the house. Houses are rather boring, don't you think? And they can fall down around you if they aren't taken care of. They can be taken away from you if you can't pay the mortgage. They can burn down, blow up, and have leaky roofs...all sorts of things.
A homemaker, though. One can make a home where ever they are. A home doesn't actually depend upon a house or some type of dwelling. Look at the Buddha who purportedly sat on a roadside and had no abode. Or, how about the Christ who wandered here and yon for years? From all I've read, I'd say these two people did have a home even though they didn’t go home every night to a house.
(And before you start wondering if I’m a religious person, the answer is no. I am, however, deeply spiritual and adore studying religions of the world and finding what rings true to me. Because after all, it’s all about me! To paraphrase Harry Dresden, as said through Jim Butcher—I’m nonpartisan.)
To continue ….a home comes from a sense of belonging and a loving heart. A person can have the most comfortable abode in the world with everything their heart desires inside it, and still be missing the important part--the home. A home does not have to even include more than one person because the sense of belonging and the loving heart resides inside self. This is shared with other people, yet does not depend upon other people.
I became dissatisfied with being a housewife in Alaska because I wasn't making a home. I was taking care of a man who didn't appreciate what I could bring to a partnership. I was taking care of a dwelling where I had no sense of belonging. I was living in a place where those I loved with all my heart were not appreciated or cared for, and where I myself was not appreciated or cared for. And I was too…brainwashed by the demon voices to even see what was happening.
Now an author would bring this to a conclusion; however, I don’t have to do that because this is my blog and my thoughts and I get to play by my rules, and my rules are … Other Wise.
I never liked the term housewife...it always seemed to make less of what you do. I always say I am a Homemaker. I make a home wherever the Military sends us. I take care of my home and family. Now had you told me 10 yrs ago that I would have willingly stayed home to take care of my children, home and husband I would have laughed at you because I thought I could do it all and still work...But then my baby boy came along and I could just tell he was different than my older son. He didn't cry or make a fuss. I somehow knew he would need me more than any job would and this proved to be right as he didn't talk until well after his 2nd birthday and even then he didn't have much to say...he still doesn't. He had a severe speech disability but through theraphy and me being home to work with him he overcame that...now when I say I may go back to work he lodges the biggest complaint because who will be home when he gets off the school bus? So Hussy Sister...be a homemaker because you are good at that and you are very nurturing.
ReplyDeleteIm so glad you are doing this blog :)
ReplyDeleteI appreciate you for being my mom at home during my growing up years.
love that picture of you.. huggg
Reba, my sister, I've thought for years we devalue our homemakers and perhaps one of those reasons is as homemakers, we devalue ourselves for the most part. And I look around at our kids today and want to cry...one of our presidents said there would be no child left behind, and yet all I see are more and more children are left behind. Perhaps that is because we devalue our homemakers and so many cannot stay home with their children and be there to love them and help them and nuture them.
ReplyDeleteM...you are the best thing to have ever happened in my life. My joy has been being there to help, to listen, to laugh, to cry...to simply live with love in my heart--because this is what all those years being at home when you came home has meant to me. I hope that made sense because I promised myself I would not edit... LOLOLOL
I knew when I was 17 that I did not want to keep house, and that I did not want to raise children. It took 2 more years for me to find out what I wanted to do -- be a bookkeeper. It is a passion for me that has not dimmed in 41 years; and I get satisfaction, delight, fullfilment, and all that stuff as well as being paid to do it. I feel so blessed!
ReplyDeleteReading TK's blog, I realize -- for the first time -- that I also am a home maker, at least for me. Even in the years I lived in furnished apartments, I managed to make the space my own while I was living in it. Only once did I not, and I didn't live there more that a few months! (Lots of ghosts there.) Thank you, my dear, for another insight.
You are very welcome, Lissa. We need all types of people to keep us going and bookkeepers who love their jobs are essential. I know you are excellent and love your job. You'd have to in order to keep working it for so many years and to still be enthusiastic when you discuss it. And I know from experience, you are totally enthusiastic!
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, you are a homemaker. You just aren't a housewife. Thank goodness!
Homemaker here, definitely. Funny, it was more fulfilling when I was single because my home stayed as I put it. Now, it's more work, and less fulfilling, because nothing ever stays 1) clean or 2) where I put it. "Cleaning a house when there are kids still in it is like shoveling snow in the middle of a blizzard" or something to that effect. But, it's gotta be done, right? Thanks for sharing your insight. Love, Mo ;)
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